Entry # 30: Developing Patience and Learning to Trust God

Away distrust! My God hath promised; he is just. -George Herbert

Earlier today I was able to catch up with my very dear friend, Nicole. I was incredibly blessed to talk to her and hear about all that's new in her life. We had fun reminiscing about memories from high school, and we also shared our current joys and struggles. (not to mention a few nursing school horror stories [bahaha!]).

Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, while talking about our walks with the Lord, I shared with her how I see God putting circumstances in my life to develop patience and trust in Him. While these circumstances are painful at times, I feel like I am slowly beginning to get a grasp on what James meant when he said to "consider it pure joy" (James 1:2-4) whenever we, as Christians, face trials, and what Paul meant when he said we "glory in our sufferings" (Romans 5:3-5) because we know that despite the difficulty and grief of what we see before us, we can find joy knowing our difficulties are being used to sanctify us and develop perseverance, a stronger faith, more godly character, and hope.
 
But even though I know in my head that I should be considering these circumstances as joy, I find the principle so difficult to apply. While talking to my friend Nicole (thank God for patient friends!) about my circumstances, I felt a lot like Paul in Romans 7, babbling on and on about knowing what I want to do (or in my case, what I want to think), but doing the opposite.

For example, I told Nicole about how this past week, there was one night where I stayed up until past 2 a.m., heart racing, mind reeling, feeling discouraged about past failures, comparing my life to the lives of others (hello, facebook!), over-thinking, worrying about the present and future, yet at the same time, knowing it was wrong to be thinking that way. Verses that challenged my thinking were even coming to mind, but I ignored them. I was being the poster child for the opposite of Psalm 46:10. Did I even just say that?

Anyway, as I was going through this ugly process of worrying, being impatient, not trusting God to provide, and not trusting that His grace is sufficient to cover everything-- past, present, and future, (because really, that's what it came down to) I was simultaneously experiencing the Holy Spirit's conviction regarding the way I was thinking. I knew that I wasn't looking at my situation from a biblical perspective, but at the same time, in a very weird way, my illogical, fickle heart wanted to wallow. It felt strangely good to get into a "Woe is me!" mode, to tell myself the lie that God doesn't have my good in mind, and play my Taylor Swift emo ballads, while feeling sorry for myself.

But praise God, that, even though there was a lot of unhealthy thinking and sorrow that night, His grace was greater still, and He granted me joy in the morning (the same joy the psalmist described in Psalm 30:5). I don't mean that I woke up instantly happy and optimistic the next day. Rather, as I drove to class the next morning, praying and being very honest before God, He changed my attitude as He gently reminded me of the craziness and magnitude of His love for me, evidenced through Christ's completed work on the cross.

I was also reminded of something I jotted down in my notebook a few weeks ago, a sentence that I wrote to summarize a sermon I had listened to.

I wrote: "Since God has already met my greatest need, salvation through Christ, how much more can I trust Him to provide for all my lesser needs?" (Matthew 7:11)

God has already given me everything I need through his son, Jesus Christ. All my other needs, desires, and yet-unknowns (whether they be future career, marriage, ministry, whatever they may be), this side of eternity, are still smaller than my need for a Savior. Moreover, all of the worries, fears, failures, and weaknesses that  kept me up that night--that, in my mind, are huge, are not so big that God's grace does not cover them; in fact, His power is made perfect in them! (2 Corinthians 12:9) Therefore, I can (and should) trust God. He is good, and I can trust Him to give me what is good for me, and to withhold what is not.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. -Psalm 13:5
 
Let us trust in God's sovereignty and character and His work for our eternal good, and let us rejoice that even when we fail to trust in Him, His love for us doesn't change. (Romans 8:38).


Thanks for reading!

-Alex

Entry # 27: Microbiology

Methyl-Red-Voges-Proskauer Tests (Positive, Negative, Positive)

Microbiology is not my  favorite class. But despite how much I dread it, it has been an area where God has proven his faithfulness to me.Micro has been the most time and mental space-consuming class I've taken at DVC thus far. I mean, going into it, I knew it would be difficult, since it's a five-unit class. But I never foresaw just how hard of a time I would have grasping the concepts and.......horror of horrors....... that I'd get a "D". (Yes, a D! D for Dangerous, Disastrous, Doggone, Disharmonious.) on the first exam. 

I've never gotten so low a grade. I was discouraged.  dreary. distraught downstruck. disappointed. depressed. downright disturbed. Okay, I'll stop. I went in to consult with my professor after getting my exam back, but she didn't have any encouraging news.  Because my professor only offers four tests the entire semester, with no extra credit opportunities, she informed me that with my "D" (sniff,sniff)  from the first exam, the highest grade I could receive in the class is a "B."  (No! It can't "B!") In short, she hinted that dropping the class (without using those exact words) would be a not-so-bad idea. I was discouraged, and I stopped believing that I could make it through the class. I was ready to drop. (which would be bad, because I would get a "W" on my transcript. Not good for when I apply to nursing school, so on and so forth) 

But I decided that I would stick it out until the next exam, see where I stood in the class., then make a decision from there. I never anticipated how God would intervene and take care of me. 

First, let me talk about the lab practical. I studied for hours, and an hour before the exam, I was sitting outside my professor's office for easy access in case of last minute questions. Outside her office was one of my classmates, Tracy. I began reviewing with her, when her friend from a different micro class came over to talk to her. I introduced myself, we all lamented about how we were dreading the lab exams coming up in our micro classes, and the three of us proceeded to study together. The other girl, named Diem, was holding a study guide. When she saw the huge stack of review papers I was holding, she offered to give me her study guide, a compact version of my notes. At first, I refused to take it, but she insisted.  "My test isn't until tomorrow. And yours is in an hour.! Really, take it! You need it more than I do! Besides, I have it saved on my computer so I can make another copy. Here." So, I took it, and I found it very helpful. It was essentially all my study notes  in a neat, compact, six-paper packet. It also had a few pieces information on it that I didn't even know I had to study for the test! That packet helped me so much in my last few minutes of reviewing, I ended up receiving over a 100% on my lab practical! But that's not all. (But wait, there's more!)

 

Humoral Immunity Summary

The lab practical is not worth as much as the lecture exam, so despite my good lab grade, I still had work to do. I asked my teacher for more advice, and she recommended I join or form a study group. So, I took her advice and I did. I made plans to study for the upcoming exam with four of my classmates. We made plans a week prior to meet at Panera to study two nights before the exam. The day of our study session, I asked our group leader if we were still on for that night's study session. Her response? "Oooh. Yeah... About that. We actually decided not to study tonight. We've got to study for something else. I guess we're studying on our own. Sorry." In my mind I was thinking, "Oh, well, that's great. Thanks a lot for letting me know!!!" I was discouraged again. After class, I began walking towards the car, trying to plan how I planned to conduct my solo study session. I mean, it didn't exactly go well when I studied alone for the first test. 

As I made my way to the parking lot, I heard three of my other classmates  discussing plans to study that very afternoon. To make a long story short (sorry for the cliche), in that moment, God brought me to my new study group. I asked the three if I could join them, and they kindly allowed me to be a part of their study session. (We've since made it a twice-weekly regular thing.) Since we started studying together, I've received an A (Yes!) on my second exam (as have my study partners).

Here's Proof!

Yes!

 

In summary, can I just give glory to God for making a way and providing me with everything I needed? Where He leads you, He provides for your every need, and more.

Thank you, God, for being Devoted. Divine. Dedicated. and Dependable. 

Thank you for reading,

Alex

PS- Dear God, can You intervene in anatomy now, too?