Mercy in the Mundane

Hey All!

My blog has moved! 

 

You can find me over @

http://mercyinthemundane.wordpress.com/

Lots of love,

Alex

Entry # 35: Thoughts.

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to be someone I'm not, or like I'm trying to act or sound a certain way to gain approval or admiration, and I'd like to change that. This inner "codependency" as some refer to it is something that I've seen before, but it has come to light again more recently, and with the Lord's help, I'd like to address it, somehow. Also, I've been thinking about what direction I'd like this blog to take, and as of now, I have not decided yet, but for today I'd like to just share thoughts.

Alex's thoughts for the day:

-Fall is absolutely my favorite season: Leaves, cool cloudy weather, snuggling under the comforter with Isabean, sweaters, scarves and boots, warm drinks, pomegranates, persimmons and pumpkins, brussels sprouts and sweet potatoes. Love it.

-Lately, I've realized that even my most "righteous" acts are tainted with sin and self-interest. From serving in a ministry to how I interact with friends, I've noticed a selfish component, a need to get something in return (and soon!). And when that something doesn't come, annoyance (which revealed the true motives. yikes.), frustration or anger soon overwhelms.

-I just finished my Mother-Baby rotation. Babies are my favorite. And that's all I can say without violating HIPAA and risking getting kicked out of my university's nursing program.

-I've been avoiding buying shoes with even the slightest heel because I've felt insecure about looking too tall, especially around my more "petite" Filipino peers. The feeling of being too tall, fat, talkative, dog-lady-ish, what have you, has been a recurring theme in my mind lately (that, or not "_____" enough) and it tires me out. I'd like to believe that on any given Sunday,  it's okay to wear boots with a little heel and be tall. Even though wearing them might make me taller than 95% of the people in the church (exception: Uncle Ben) Bahaha.

-I chopped off five inches of my hair! I was kind of sad. But kind of happy. It's a strange thing, the relationship between females and their hair.

-About a week ago, I read this amazing blog post by a lady I truly admire. In it, she talked about how all of her life she idolized the idea of having a family. One thing she touched on that really resonated with me was how even as she blogged and wrote about how having a family/marriage/baby etc. would never truly satisfy her, her heart rebelled loudly against what she was writing (I feel you, sister.). This disconnect between mind and heart is something I've been experiencing lately. My mind tells me that a family/husband/baby/skinny body will not be my end-all-be-all-all-satisfying thing in life, that God is good, that He's sovereign, that He's been faithful before and thus, can be trusted to be faithful again, But sometimes my heart doesn't quite feel it. One could refer to it as an "I believe! Help my unbelief." moment.

-I think I'm getting better at setting boundaries and communication. A few weeks ago a friend asked me to participate in something I wasn't comfortable with (not like, drugs, or anything. it was ministry-related. ha!) and I was able to explain why it made me uncomfortable and even suggested some alternatives!  This was no small victory, considering I have passive-aggressive-grouchy-pants tendencies! "God's grace." says my mind.

-Audrey Assad's latest album is just wonderful. Free Clinique lipgloss is also just as wonderful. Also oven-roasted brussels sprouts, homemade gluten-free pumpkin bars, and puppy kisses.

-I'd like to work on prayer and reading the Word very regularly, despite my crazy schedule.

-I'd also like to bake my first pie before the year is over.

Have a blessed week, friends!

-Alex

Entry # 34: Adventures in Seamstress-hood!

First sewing project completed! Feeling mighty proud of my new skirt! :)

I had a cute helper.  She may have been a little bummed that I was sewing instead of playing fetch with her. Bahahaha. That face!

Please notice me. Please, oh, please, oh please, oh please.

All done! :) And with just enough fabric left over to make a little somethin-somethin for Bella Bean. 

Have a wonderful week! Thanks for reading,

-Alex

Entry # 33: Crooked Things Straight

If I believe in God, in a Being who made me, and fashioned me, and knows my wants and capacities and necessities, because He gave them to me, and who is perfectly good and loving, righteous, and perfectly wise and powerful, -whatever my circumstances inward and outward may be, however thick the darkness which encompasses me, I yet can trust, yea be assured, that all will be well, that He can draw light out of darkness, and make crooked things straight.

-Thomas Erskine

So, so thankful for this hope this week.

-A

Entry # 32: A Valentine's Day Reading List

Went on a Valentine's Day afternoon jog (complete with confetti!) with this love-bug before Bible study

Oops, this is a little late, but I wanted to share this Valentine's Day reading list by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin of Boundless:

http://www.boundlessline.org/2013/02/a-valentines-day-reading-list.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+boundlessline%2Fblog+%28Blog%3A+Boundless+Line%29

Hope you are encouraged by one of these articles, wherever you found yourself this Valentine's Day!

And I couldn't have said it better than Suzanne:  "Consider this my Valentine's Day gift to you. It's more substantial than a Hallmark card and less fattening than chocolate. Wherever you are in the journey toward true love, know that God adores you (John 15:13). His love for you is deep and unfailing. Happy Valentine's Day!"

Have a wonderful weekend!

-A

Entry # 31: All I can say without violating HIPAA! :)

 

This past week was all sorts of wonderful.

I survived my first few days of clinical rotation! Praise the Lord. I absolutely loved it! Going into last week, my feelings were a mixed bag as I found myself eager to finally experience hands-on patient care, while at the same time, doubtful of my ability to carry out and remember each step of the nursing skills I had learned last quarter. 

At the end of this week, I can only say that I am blessed beyond measure.

 This week I found myself physically tired from my 4:45 a.m. mornings (thank God for coffee!!!!), emotionally drained from sharing in the experiences of my patients (not gonna lie. there was lots and lots of crying after leaving my clinical site [and also lots of praying and singing!]), and mentally exhausted from juggling my clinical days with  midterms and skills check-offs (lots and lots of zoning out in class. oops.). But I also found myself with so much joy because I see God using this time to teach me to depend on Him, to hope in Him.

This week I find myself rejoicing in the fact that I have never been more sure that nursing is the occupation that He has intended for me.

I have never been so confident that God has foreordained and planned every little detail of my life--from the family I was born into, to past trials, to the timing of when I got into nursing school, to which patients I happened to interact with, etc. etc.(everything about me!) to utilize them for my good and His ultimate glory. I saw Him at work this week! And this gives me great confidence in the plans He has for my future. 

 (I wish so badly that I could explain and say more in detail, but I'm trying to be very sensitive about not violating HIPAA!)

 I feel so, so blessed, to be walking this journey and I am incredibly thankful for the hope that only Christ offers.

Have a blessed week,

-A

PS- I just realized, I really like to use parentheses! (If you haven't already noticed).

Entry # 30: Developing Patience and Learning to Trust God

Away distrust! My God hath promised; he is just. -George Herbert

Earlier today I was able to catch up with my very dear friend, Nicole. I was incredibly blessed to talk to her and hear about all that's new in her life. We had fun reminiscing about memories from high school, and we also shared our current joys and struggles. (not to mention a few nursing school horror stories [bahaha!]).

Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, while talking about our walks with the Lord, I shared with her how I see God putting circumstances in my life to develop patience and trust in Him. While these circumstances are painful at times, I feel like I am slowly beginning to get a grasp on what James meant when he said to "consider it pure joy" (James 1:2-4) whenever we, as Christians, face trials, and what Paul meant when he said we "glory in our sufferings" (Romans 5:3-5) because we know that despite the difficulty and grief of what we see before us, we can find joy knowing our difficulties are being used to sanctify us and develop perseverance, a stronger faith, more godly character, and hope.
 
But even though I know in my head that I should be considering these circumstances as joy, I find the principle so difficult to apply. While talking to my friend Nicole (thank God for patient friends!) about my circumstances, I felt a lot like Paul in Romans 7, babbling on and on about knowing what I want to do (or in my case, what I want to think), but doing the opposite.

For example, I told Nicole about how this past week, there was one night where I stayed up until past 2 a.m., heart racing, mind reeling, feeling discouraged about past failures, comparing my life to the lives of others (hello, facebook!), over-thinking, worrying about the present and future, yet at the same time, knowing it was wrong to be thinking that way. Verses that challenged my thinking were even coming to mind, but I ignored them. I was being the poster child for the opposite of Psalm 46:10. Did I even just say that?

Anyway, as I was going through this ugly process of worrying, being impatient, not trusting God to provide, and not trusting that His grace is sufficient to cover everything-- past, present, and future, (because really, that's what it came down to) I was simultaneously experiencing the Holy Spirit's conviction regarding the way I was thinking. I knew that I wasn't looking at my situation from a biblical perspective, but at the same time, in a very weird way, my illogical, fickle heart wanted to wallow. It felt strangely good to get into a "Woe is me!" mode, to tell myself the lie that God doesn't have my good in mind, and play my Taylor Swift emo ballads, while feeling sorry for myself.

But praise God, that, even though there was a lot of unhealthy thinking and sorrow that night, His grace was greater still, and He granted me joy in the morning (the same joy the psalmist described in Psalm 30:5). I don't mean that I woke up instantly happy and optimistic the next day. Rather, as I drove to class the next morning, praying and being very honest before God, He changed my attitude as He gently reminded me of the craziness and magnitude of His love for me, evidenced through Christ's completed work on the cross.

I was also reminded of something I jotted down in my notebook a few weeks ago, a sentence that I wrote to summarize a sermon I had listened to.

I wrote: "Since God has already met my greatest need, salvation through Christ, how much more can I trust Him to provide for all my lesser needs?" (Matthew 7:11)

God has already given me everything I need through his son, Jesus Christ. All my other needs, desires, and yet-unknowns (whether they be future career, marriage, ministry, whatever they may be), this side of eternity, are still smaller than my need for a Savior. Moreover, all of the worries, fears, failures, and weaknesses that  kept me up that night--that, in my mind, are huge, are not so big that God's grace does not cover them; in fact, His power is made perfect in them! (2 Corinthians 12:9) Therefore, I can (and should) trust God. He is good, and I can trust Him to give me what is good for me, and to withhold what is not.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. -Psalm 13:5
 
Let us trust in God's sovereignty and character and His work for our eternal good, and let us rejoice that even when we fail to trust in Him, His love for us doesn't change. (Romans 8:38).


Thanks for reading!

-Alex