Entry #29: Ebenezer (with some fun references to TSwift, Adele, and St. Augustine)

From the week of January 6-11, 2013

God is good.
I have not been able to say that for so long. So long, honestly.
Or I have chosen not to.

For the past few years, on and off, I allowed trials, pain, confusion, uncertainty (and not trusting God) about things to come, and questions to gnaw on my insides, making my vision blurry, leaving me with nothing but doubt and a dying faith. I wasn't filling myself with God's life-giving Word or His Presence. So, slowly but surely, I began to forget.
Tunnel vision was all I had, and it wasn't His light I saw at the end of the tunnel; no, only my problems. Just like Saint Augustine, I found my heart "restless, until it rests in Thee, O Lord," as I preoccupied myself with other things to drown out my convictions and distract my mind from the state I was in.

But God showed himself faithful. Despite my unfaithfulness to Him, He chose to continue to pursue me, to remind me how much He loves me, and show me new glimpses of Himself, and all of a sudden He is a new kind of real to me, and it's like a new romance, where in the words of Taylor Swift, "I just want to know You better, know You better, know You better now."

I have to admit that just like Adele, "I know I have a fickle heart, and a bitterness, and a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head." But unlike Adele to her lover in her song, I don't have to ask God, "Don't You remember the reason You loved me before"  Because first of all, He never stopped loving me, and second, He doesn't have a memory problem. He knows everything about me (Psalm 139). I don't have a reason to doubt his love. Furthermore, miraculously, amazingly, what God does choose to forget about me is my sin, and because of that fact, I never have to hold any guilt. (Psalm 103:12) I feel like I've gotten a glimpse of what David meant when He said his cup overflows.

I'd like to list a few ways just in the past few days I've seen God at work.

 Sunday-
-Our pastor preached on how to pray when we are running on empty. He said that when we pray we should "remind" God of His promises to us (not meaning that God forgets, but rather meaning that we claim His promises to us) because He loves to answer us and prove He is faithful. I was able to remember this later on Tuesday, where I was praying the simplest promises I could remember, like, "God, You promised to draw near to me if I draw near to You," and "God, You promised that You have a plan for me to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future."

-Conversation with a brother in Christ of mine about ebenezers. (Ebenezers are reminders of God's faithfulness. See 1 Samuel 7:12) We can look to the past and see how God has been faithful which gives us peace and joy in our salvation for the future.

Tuesday-
-Prayed on my ride to school that God would  forgive my unfaithfulness and deliberate disobedience against Him. Named and asked him to help me with the questions I've been wrestling with. Asked him for healing and help in two friendships that turned sour within the past few years. Asked him to help me identify what the unhealthy pattern was there. Asked him to give me a desire to love him and grow closer to Him. Asked him to renew me, and to teach me to trust Him with my future. Asked him for guidance and direction with a relationship with a friend of mine. Prayed that he would help me to love Him, so that I could love others. Truly love them, and invest in their lives. (Something I've been failing at, miserably, lately)
-Really got back into the Word

Wednesday-
-Was able to be used by God to be able to encourage two discouraged sisters in Christ. (Had me thinking: why would God use me? After I have failed him? In my (un-biblically thinking) mind, I was or should have been on some sort of probationary period, where I need to please Him before serving Him, but praise God He uses us despite our imperfections.)
-Got the courage to make amends and write a letter of apology to a sister I hurt in the past with my actions.
(God granted me the desire to be at peace with her instead of harboring bitterness)
-Boundless published an article that helped me to identify the unhealthy pattern I have in some of friendships. (It boiled down to my insecurities, neediness, and me making my friendships conditional.) It couldn't have been chance that this article would be published the day after I was asking to God to examine me and show me the unhealthy pattern in my friendships.

How crazy. I don't even know how to put the events of the past week  into words right now. How this week I've experienced a strange, mysterious coming-together of so many things: my pastor's message, a brother-in-Christ's words, a prayer, an article, all converging at the right time, to teach me, mold me.

...But while he was yet afar off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. -Luke 15:20. How deep His love for me.

May this blog post serve as an ebenezer for me, for I know that another time will come when it will be so hard to believe, and I will so easily forget.


-Alex

Entry # 28: Finny, Finlandia, Muffin, Finland, Finnykins, Muh-muh, Mr. Feeney, Finch, Delphinium, Muffun:

 

 
The one you loved the most loves you the most, too.

Entry # 27: Microbiology

Methyl-Red-Voges-Proskauer Tests (Positive, Negative, Positive)

Microbiology is not my  favorite class. But despite how much I dread it, it has been an area where God has proven his faithfulness to me.Micro has been the most time and mental space-consuming class I've taken at DVC thus far. I mean, going into it, I knew it would be difficult, since it's a five-unit class. But I never foresaw just how hard of a time I would have grasping the concepts and.......horror of horrors....... that I'd get a "D". (Yes, a D! D for Dangerous, Disastrous, Doggone, Disharmonious.) on the first exam. 

I've never gotten so low a grade. I was discouraged.  dreary. distraught downstruck. disappointed. depressed. downright disturbed. Okay, I'll stop. I went in to consult with my professor after getting my exam back, but she didn't have any encouraging news.  Because my professor only offers four tests the entire semester, with no extra credit opportunities, she informed me that with my "D" (sniff,sniff)  from the first exam, the highest grade I could receive in the class is a "B."  (No! It can't "B!") In short, she hinted that dropping the class (without using those exact words) would be a not-so-bad idea. I was discouraged, and I stopped believing that I could make it through the class. I was ready to drop. (which would be bad, because I would get a "W" on my transcript. Not good for when I apply to nursing school, so on and so forth) 

But I decided that I would stick it out until the next exam, see where I stood in the class., then make a decision from there. I never anticipated how God would intervene and take care of me. 

First, let me talk about the lab practical. I studied for hours, and an hour before the exam, I was sitting outside my professor's office for easy access in case of last minute questions. Outside her office was one of my classmates, Tracy. I began reviewing with her, when her friend from a different micro class came over to talk to her. I introduced myself, we all lamented about how we were dreading the lab exams coming up in our micro classes, and the three of us proceeded to study together. The other girl, named Diem, was holding a study guide. When she saw the huge stack of review papers I was holding, she offered to give me her study guide, a compact version of my notes. At first, I refused to take it, but she insisted.  "My test isn't until tomorrow. And yours is in an hour.! Really, take it! You need it more than I do! Besides, I have it saved on my computer so I can make another copy. Here." So, I took it, and I found it very helpful. It was essentially all my study notes  in a neat, compact, six-paper packet. It also had a few pieces information on it that I didn't even know I had to study for the test! That packet helped me so much in my last few minutes of reviewing, I ended up receiving over a 100% on my lab practical! But that's not all. (But wait, there's more!)

 

Humoral Immunity Summary

The lab practical is not worth as much as the lecture exam, so despite my good lab grade, I still had work to do. I asked my teacher for more advice, and she recommended I join or form a study group. So, I took her advice and I did. I made plans to study for the upcoming exam with four of my classmates. We made plans a week prior to meet at Panera to study two nights before the exam. The day of our study session, I asked our group leader if we were still on for that night's study session. Her response? "Oooh. Yeah... About that. We actually decided not to study tonight. We've got to study for something else. I guess we're studying on our own. Sorry." In my mind I was thinking, "Oh, well, that's great. Thanks a lot for letting me know!!!" I was discouraged again. After class, I began walking towards the car, trying to plan how I planned to conduct my solo study session. I mean, it didn't exactly go well when I studied alone for the first test. 

As I made my way to the parking lot, I heard three of my other classmates  discussing plans to study that very afternoon. To make a long story short (sorry for the cliche), in that moment, God brought me to my new study group. I asked the three if I could join them, and they kindly allowed me to be a part of their study session. (We've since made it a twice-weekly regular thing.) Since we started studying together, I've received an A (Yes!) on my second exam (as have my study partners).

Here's Proof!

Yes!

 

In summary, can I just give glory to God for making a way and providing me with everything I needed? Where He leads you, He provides for your every need, and more.

Thank you, God, for being Devoted. Divine. Dedicated. and Dependable. 

Thank you for reading,

Alex

PS- Dear God, can You intervene in anatomy now, too?

Entry # 26: Mameet

Mother and Daughter (About two years ago)

This past Tuesday was my mother's birthday. (Yay!)
It was a nice day with a simple yet meaningful dinner celebration.
I'm really thankful for my mom.

PS- I have to show you the gifts I made for her! Give me a few days to take some pictures.

Hope you're having a swell week!

Thank you for reading,

Alex

Entry # 25: Sarah, Mason, Towhees

Hello everyone.
I have not written in a few weeks. I guess I've been feeling uninspired. But even in my uninspiration, I yearn to write. I think one of the roots of my uninspiration is that I haven't been photographing much lately. And, since the things I write about are usually things I've taken pictures of, that leaves .Alexandwrite. in a bit of a predicament, doesn't it?

Fortunately, or, perhaps you could say, providentially, I've been able to dig up some photos and stories to share. Perhaps I'm not feeling so uninspired after all. :)

Sarah pretending to be a turtle.

Let's start with my favorite little girl, Sarah. I've blogged about her before,  so you can read about her in my previous entries. But just as an update, it's been almost three years since I began mentoring my favorite seven-year-old and, looking back, I am just so thankful to God for allowing me to be used by Him in her life.  I've been privileged to help her reach milestones from simple (tying shoes on her own) to complicated (riding a bike without training wheels,wiping after going to the bathroom and so much more.) Working with her is not always easy, especially on the days when she's cranky or I'm impatient, but at the end of the day, I see God moving past our sinfulness and doing His mighty work in both of our lives as He uses me to teach Sarah to be a girl who loves Jesus and as He uses her to mold me into a more patient, loving, and God-fearing woman (and future wife and mother, Lord willing.)

Mason being adorable.

Oh, my goodness! I also have not yet blogged about my second nephew, Mason! I'd like you all to meet Mason Elijah Tariga, my cousin's second son. Just a few days after I had written the entry about Micah, his baby brother was born! Thank God for a safe delivery and the health of both mommy and baby. Also, if you're reading this, please say a quick prayer for my cousin Patricia Tariga  and her husband Paul as they adjust to having another baby boy around. I can only imagine what taking care of a newborn and a 22-month-old at the same time is like! Pray for guidance, patience, strength, and reliance on God as they adapt to this new stage of their lives.

Spotted Towhee.

 

 I've been getting into my old hobby of birdfeeding/watching lately. The past few weeks, I was really excited to "spot," haha, this Spotted Towhee on the feeder. I've never seen one here before, so I'm keeping the feeder stocked to encourage it to stick around.  In addition to my usual White-Crowned Sparrows,  California Towhees, Mourning Doves, Western Scrub Jays, and Northern Mockingbirds, I saw a cool House Finch variant. If you know House Finches, you know they have the distinctive red markings on their heads (at least the males do), well, I saw one with yellow instead of red markings! I googled it and apparently it's a rare occurrence caused by something in their diet. But I thought it was interesting and pretty neat to see one. I also noted that it didn't affect it's social life. It traveled with the "normal" House Finches with no problem. 

Thanks for reading,

Alex

Entry # 24: Cookies

 

A mountain of fresh-out-of-the-oven cookies

Aaahhh. That's me taking a deep breath after a long day. After a busy 12  hours of midterms, studying, evaluations and driving, I ended the day by picking up little Sarah and baking a giant batch of my favorite cookies with her. Tomorrow, I plan on mailing this mountain of love (about 60 cookies total!) to some of my favorite family members in Washington. (Who I hope are not reading this entry right now, because I'm hoping to surprise them!) I miss them so much and I just wanted to do something to show them that I'm thinking of them and appreciate having them in my life.

I hope your day is as sweet as these cookies: not saccharine, but just right.

Thank you for reading,

Alex

Entry# 23: Spring Semester & Relational Boundaries

A mushroom in Bellingham,WA.

Hello out there!

College. Thank God that third week of the new semester is complete. I now have a few days to rest up and recover from this cold that I've had since last Sunday. This semester, I'm taking fewer units than I have in any previous semesters, but it actually has turned out to be one of my toughest semesters yet, due to my two five unit science classes. Lecture and laboratory time combined, each class adds up to four hours long each, twice a week. At times, I want so much to complain about the long class periods and the long commute to San Ramon, but then God reminds me in little ways that I'm where he wants me to be. That He has foreordained my every breath, step, and moment. And that His grace is sufficient. We'll see just how sufficient after my first exams this week. Haha, I joke.

Boundaries. You know, it's funny. Earlier this week (and past weekend), I was working on and editing this long entry about boundaries in relationships with others. In it, I wrote about a negative incident I had with a good friend of mine in December, and about the boundaries I, in turn, had to set in the relationship. At the same time, I was working on a follow-up entry that was essentially a letter to that friend for the way she had treated me. (I admit, a slightly angry letter. Okay, maybe more than slightly.) As I finished up the post and prepared to publish it, something really funny happened. I accidentally clicked something that highlighted all the text and deleted it. Then, less than a second later, the auto-save feature for posting automatically saved my then-blank post. "Aaah!" was my first reaction. I kept trying to hit the back arrow in a pathetic attempt to bring back the text that had taken me hours to write and rewrite and edit. But, alas, laziness won over and, too lazy to retype everything, I retired in frustration to my bed to study for microbiology before going to sleep.

But I was thinking today, that post being deleted was no coincidence. God was trying to show me something. I mean, yes, it's great that I have learned through a discipleship relationship with a lady from church to set boundaries because I am valuable and therefore, so is my time. That I don't have to allow people to cancel plans last minute all the time when I make time for them. And that I don't have to (or shouldn't) pour myself into a one-way friendship, where I'm putting in all this effort into spending time together and attempting to nourish the relationship, while the other person shows little to no interest to reciprocate. These are all positive, true things. But I was missing the point.
In the process of preparing to share about the boundaries I had laid down in my relationships with others, I was, at the same time, crossing all sorts of boundaries in my relationship with Christ. I was crossing lines into anger, into bitterness, into unforgiveness and into pride. So, in the midst of the frustration I feel in this new season with a long-time friend, the gratitude I feel is of much greater magnitude. I'm thankful for His grace and for the way He intervened.